Dear Listener, are you a sensitive, anxious man who struggles to feel confident while dating? You're not alone! In this episode, host and dating coach Josh Van Vliet shares his personal experience looking for love as a highly sensitive and, at times, insecure man.
Spoiler alert: Josh is now happily married to his co-host, Jessica!
Jessica plumbs Josh’s dating experiences to answer the question, How do you date successfully when you're a deeply feeling, anxious man?
Jealous much, Dear Listener? Fret not! In today’s conversation with Julie Barr, MFT, we explore jealousy: what it is, whether it’s healthy, and what to do about it in intimate relationships.
You may wonder, What is the true root of jealousy? Julie investigates whether jealousy is a fleeting feeling or an ingrained trait and how it differs from envy. We discuss whether jealousy is a natural, inevitable emotion or a trauma response. To round out our exploration of jealousy’s causes, we explore its link to attachment styles, particularly anxious attachment.
Next, Julie shares practical tips for addressing jealousy in romantic relationships, whether you’re in a…
Dear Listener, do negative thoughts about your body or your partner’s body stop you from building a satisfying love life?
If so, you won’t want to miss our conversation with special guest Jessi Kneeland, a renowned body image coach, author of Body Neutral: A Revolutionary Guide to Overcoming Body Image Issues, and host of the podcast This Is (Not) About Your Body.
This illuminating discussion explores how rigid beauty standards sabotage romantic relationships.
First, we tackle the common phenomenon of avoiding dating entirely due to negative body image and how…
Dear Listener, are you navigating a breakup in the New Year? You’re not alone -- the holidays are hard on relationships. Some researchers and experts have even deemed December 11th “Breakup Day” because it sees the most relationship endings.
That’s why we’re kicking the year off with "Breakups: Navigating Endings Gracefully & Healing." Psychotherapist and breakup guru Laia Pedreño Mateu offers compassionate insights about how to break up kindly and heal from heartbreak.
In this heart-to-heart conversation, we delve into how to part ways with sensitivity and …
Hey there, Dear Listener! Ready for the third and final chapter in our online dating series? This episode is brimming with all you need to know about filters, messaging, flirtation, and online dating etiquette.
Wondering what filters to set on your dating app? Josh does a deep dive into how you can use filters to get higher-quality matches, including pointers on how to set filters for age and distance. We also touch on whether paying for online dating premium features, such as the ability to set filters, is worthwhile.
If you’re uncertain who to swipe right on, Jessica offers…
We answer a listener's question: Does age matter in a relationship?
If you’ve ever wondered, How much of an age gap is OK?, tune in to hear:
Age Gap Realities: We review the research, unpacking trends in happiness and commitment in age-discrepant relationships. Listen to hear science’s mixed answer to the question, Can couples with large age gaps last?
Beyond Years: We explore how age-gap couples relationships can thrive by focusing on shared values, speaking honestly about their goals, and planning for inevitable life stage differences.
Dear Listener, if you’re ready to take the plunge into online dating, chances are you’re wondering, What should I write in my dating profile? And what is a good online dating photo?
We get into the nitty-gritty of perfecting your online dating profile and photos in this episode, which is the second of our three-part online dating series!
With lots of specific examples sprinkled throughout, we cover:
Profiles that Pop: Jessica reviews the three things you should include in your dating profile, plus pro tips on how to write effectively so you stand out from the crowd.
Photo Perfection (and Pitfalls): Josh gives a rundown of what makes a good online dating photo, how to take good pictures (with or without a professional photographer!), and pic pitfalls, including what you should definitely not do in a dating profile picture…
Dear Listener, are you diving into the online dating world and wondering, What are the odds of dating apps working?
According to a 2019 Pew Research study:
23% of US singles find themselves a date online.
A promising 10% report that they found a long-term partner online.
In addition, a 2017 Stanford University survey found that 39% of heterosexual singles met via online dating, up from just 2% in 1995!
Is it worth it to date online? It really depends, so listen now to hear our nuanced breakdown of the pros and cons.
Dating and rarely finding that elusive spark? This episode is for you!
We begin by exploring the mystifying concept of a "spark." What does it mean to feel a "spark," Dear Listener, and is it a prerequisite in the early stages of dating?
Next, we discuss whether it’s okay not to feel an instant connection and whether attraction and a spark are synonymous. Is it possible to be attracted to someone yet not feel that instantaneous spark?
As we venture further, we dive deep into all the reasons you might wonder, "Why am I not feeling a spark with anyone?" From the Sex & the City Fallacy to asexuality, avoidant attachment, and unrealistic standards, we touch on seven common spark stoppers.
You’ll walk away with compassionate pointers about navigating times when the spark seems to be missing more often than not.
Dear Listener, if you’ve ever felt blindsided by your strong reactions to dating or confused by how the singles in the dating pool behave, this episode is for you!
We delve into the hidden impact of trauma on relationships. And if you’re thinking, "Trauma? Not me!" you might be surprised to learn that some experts estimate that 70% of adults experience a significant trauma in their lifetime.
During this episode, we break down some common misconceptions about trauma and give specific examples of how unresolved trauma impacts dating and relationships.
Opening your heart again after a trauma can be scary and overwhelming; we offer concrete guidance about reentering the dating world, one brave baby step at a time.
Last, we offer practical advice about how to date well while healing from trauma, including the common pitfalls to avoid.
If you struggle to feel at ease in your relationships, you may be struggling with an insecure attachment style. In the second of this two-part series, we continue exploring how to improve your relationships by developing a more secure attachment style. We discuss actionable tools for shifting from an anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment style to a secure style. Listen now!
If you struggle to feel at ease in your relationships, you may be struggling with an insecure attachment style. In the first of this 2-part series, we explore the ins and outs of improving your relationships by developing a more secure attachment style. We discuss how long it takes for an insecurely attached person to become more secure and offer actionable tools for healing an anxious, avoidant, or disorganized style.
"What's your attachment style?" has become a common first date or dinner party question. And for good reason — we can build better relationships when we understand our own tendencies in relationships.
But did you know that there are a number of attachment theory myths circulating that might be holding you back from finding love and companionship?
Today we explore which attachment styles are healthy, whether it's possible to have more than one style, whether/how you can change your style, and how understanding attachment theory isn't a panacea for all relationship issues.
You asked, we answered! This episode features your burning questions about how to build harmonious long-term relationships. We start out with tips for developing secure attachment, including ways to soothe yourself and a partner during an anxious attachment flare. We also explore ways to get unstuck when one partner’s core wounds get triggered regularly, including fair fighting rules and communication tools that foster a peaceful relationship.
Are you at a crossroads in your relationship? If you’re questioning whether it’s time to breakup with or further commit to your partner, today’s episode is for you. We review the signs that a relationship is healthy (or not!), including how much conflict is too much. We also discuss how and when to bring up concerns to your partner along with actionable tools you can use to clarify whether it’s time to stay or go.
Ever wondered why online dating is so exhausting? If dating apps are making you depressed, join us for today’s episode. You’ll learn why nearly 80% of people report feeling emotionally fatigued when dating online and gain actionable strategies for how to avoid online dating burnout. We’ll also share key mindsets that will enable you to weather the ups and downs of dating so that you can find lasting love.
Do your relationships tend to develop at a romantic comedy pace, only to get messy fast and fall apart dramatically? If you’ve struggled to find sustainable, lasting love, then this episode is for you. Learn about common pacing pitfalls that prevent couples from building stable partnerships, including red flags such as love bombing, how pacing can help you work skillfully with the “addiction” of love, and what to do when your pacing doesn’t match your partner’s.
“How do I flirt without being creepy?” If anxiety stops you from flirting (especially in the #metoo era), then this episode is for you. Jessica and Josh talk about why flirtation is essential in dating, how feminist principles can help you build passionate relationships, and what to do if you’re too shy to flirt.
What makes a good long-term partner, according to science? And why is it important to be mindful when we are choosing who to settle down with? In this episode, we dig into the research about what to look for and — equally important — what not to look for in a long-term partner. Plus, how do you clarify what you need in a partner? How can you differentiate between dealbreakers and “nice-to-haves” so that you can more effectively date?
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