Dear Listener, are you a late-in-life virgin feeling broken, behind, or like something is fundamentally wrong with you?
Do you avoid dating altogether because you dread the moment you'd have to disclose your virginity?
If virgin shame is keeping you stuck in isolation — and making partnered sex that much less likely — you’re in the right place.
In this episode, we welcome back Relationship Center psychotherapist and sex therapist Cat Fillmore to explore how to date as a virgin with confidence, self-compassion, and hope.
Cat starts by reframing the conversation entirely: What does "virgin" even mean, and who decided? She challenges the narrow definition most of us inherited and invites us toward something more liberating.
From there, we dive into practical late bloomer dating advice. Cat explains why the skills that make for great sex aren't actually about experience—and how you can start developing them right now. She shares a "yes, no, maybe" framework for building confidence with boundaries, an essential part of pleasurable sex.
We also tackle the big question: should I tell them I'm a virgin, and when? Cat explains how to recognize when someone has earned the honor of your vulnerability—and what to look for before you share.
Finally, Cat offers a reality check for anyone struggling to overcome virgin stigma. Spoiler alert: The data might surprise you—you're far from alone as a late bloomer.
If shame has been keeping you on the sidelines, this episode offers a compassionate, empowering path forward.
Key Takeaways
00:00 Intro
01:30 What does it even mean to be a virgin?
07:38 How do I date as a late-in-life virgin?
18:31 Should I tell my date I'm a virgin—and when?
30:14 How do I stop feeling broken or behind as a late-in-life virgin?
Resources and Links
Have a question or comment? Email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We love hearing from you!
If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team (including Cat!), go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.
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