About Cat Fillmore
Psychotherapist, Couples Counselor, Sex Therapist, and Dating Coach
Online therapy and coaching for BIPOC, chronically single people, trauma survivors, and interracial couples
Hi there!! I'm Caitlin Elyse Fillmore, but you can call me Cat. I specialize in helping people go from feeling disconnected and alone to feeling deeply loved and desired. My goal is to help you enhance your relationship skills, break unhealthy patterns, and cultivate self-confidence. I especially love supporting fellow BIPOC and multiethnic people, survivors of childhood trauma, late-in-life virgins, and interracial couples.
I'm a psychotherapist in:
California (LPCC# 7654)
Missouri (LPC# 2024006501)
Pennsylvania (LPC # PC017280)
Michigan (LPC# 6401223964)
Maryland (LPC# LC15082)
Indiana (LMHC # 39004839A)
New Mexico (PCMHC # CTB-2025-0440)
As a therapist and coach, I thoroughly enjoy:
Helping couples who argue too much to replace defensiveness with appreciation and complaints with kindness. I’ll teach you concrete communication tools and help you emerge from this challenging time as an even stronger couple. I particularly love helping couples who live in the margins, including:
BIPOC and interracial couples
New parents experiencing post-partum depression
Supporting chronically single people to break free from their own personal dating Groundhog Day. I’ll help you develop a roadmap, dating skills, and the confidence needed to find your person, even if you have little to no sexual or relationship experience.
Empowering socially anxious individuals to feel confident being themselves when interacting with others. Whether you fear rejection because you grew up in a dysfunctional household or navigate ableism, racism, colorism, or any other ‘ism daily, I want to help you feel safe and confident around other human beings.
Guiding sexually dissatisfied individuals and couples to build exceptionally pleasurable sex lives. As a sex therapist, I’m trained to talk about all the things you can’t discuss in polite society! Really, you can’t shock me. I’ll help you heal from trauma, build body confidence, and improve your intimacy skills – because you deserve to feel erotically alive!
My journey to becoming a therapist and coach
I'm a learner at heart, and I LOVE people. The thrill I feel when fostering learning in others inspired me to pursue my first career in education.
Every student I taught, in turn, taught me something. In fact, one of my students inspired me to become a therapist.
One day, while working as a special education student teacher in Chicago, a student said, There’s no point doing the homework. My teacher doesn’t expect me to complete it anyway.
My heart broke hearing that. When I asked why, my student shared that his other teachers scolded him and rejected his ideas, assuming his creative, out-of-the-box contributions were misbehavior. No wonder he developed learned helplessness.
His story highlighted for me how the education system is designed to produce compliant workers, rather than help kids grow into their best selves. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen the flaws in education, but for some reason, that moment was a turning point. I realized that I wanted to find a way to resist the system, not be one of its cogs.
As a multiethnic woman, I’m no stranger to feeling rightful anger at unjust systems. I grew up feeling like a misfit. Anger is a normal reaction to feeling misunderstood and rejected, but no one told me that when I was a child. Only through healing my own mental health challenges in adulthood did I learn that my feelings made sense.
My own struggles and those of other misfits like my student have left me with a passion for supporting anyone who lives between two worlds or has been “othered” by society.
So, I became a therapist. More than anything, I want to help fellow outsiders feel seen and known.
We may share some identities: I am a mixed-race (Black and White) woman. Formerly chronically single, I am now in an interracial and intercultural relationship. I am a cisgender, heterosexual ally to many queer loved ones, with a deep desire to see them fully accepted by our society. I’m a Christian (the Love Your Neighbor kind, not a Storm the Capitol kind).
I walk my talk by going to therapy (individual and couples!), engaging in meaningful rest, and participating in communities that love well. I see relationships as a loving practice, and seek to deepen those connections using all the tools I teach my clients.
In case you’re still wondering whether I’m human like you, here are some fun facts: -
Ok, so this one’s maybe not so much “fun,” but helpful to know – I’m a stroke survivor. I woke up one day having lost various functions. And here’s the twist – tests showed not only that I’d had a stroke, but that I was pregnant! Stroke recovery alongside pregnancy, plus navigating various challenges at birth, was one of the most challenging, confusing things I have ever been through. I feel lucky every day for my recovery and, above all, my very adorable daughter.
Before my stroke, I loved to dance salsa and bachata. With time, I hope to get back to it. I am still recapturing who I was in so many ways; while I’m still letting go of some things, I hope never to let go of my love of dance.
Coffee and chocolate make me happy in ways I can't fully describe.
My why: helping others feel seen and loved
People make me so happy. And I’m at my happiest when hearing the stories of fellow humans.
I am captivated by the stories my clients carry and how they speak to the simultaneous fragility and resilience of humanity.
Being a therapist places me exactly where I love to be — walking alongside my clients as they tell, examine, and rewrite their stories. I’m honored to be their witness and guide as they plumb the depths of their experience for greater meaning and joy.
I feel great joy when I can give others the rare experience of feeling deeply accepted and understood.
My unique gifts: authenticity, energy, and heart
If you’re looking for a therapist who won’t leave you guessing, I’m your girl.
I love clarity, so I don’t hesitate to spell things out for others. I’m not the kind of therapist who will dodge your question by asking another question. Rest assured, you won't have to guess what I am thinking.
I bring big, bold energy with me wherever I go. I love colorful clothes and makeup.
Honestly, at the end of my life, I imagine people saying, She sure was loud and opinionated, but she showed SO much love!
I am truly and totally myself and not afraid to let others be the same.
It's easy for me to see the best in others, and I’m always quick to name others’ strengths. My clients often start to see themselves in a more positive light as a result.
Clients often say that I remember more about them than they do! My dedication to learning their stories, combined with my strengths-based, caring approach, helps my clients feel deeply known and accepted. That, in turn, creates the safety they need to make essential yet scary changes.
In fact, my clients are incredibly consistent with attending sessions, which I attribute to the strength of our connection. They genuinely want to see me because I genuinely want to see them!
Our sessions are about you
Sessions will provide you with a new perspective, actionable steps, and comfort. I aim to help you feel accepted, hopeful, and grounded. Within the safety of our relationship, you’ll have the support to break harmful patterns, build self-confidence, and improve your relationship skills.
I bring a multicultural, social justice, feminist lens to everything I do. I'm person-centered and strengths-based—meaning I see you as the expert on your own life, and my job is to help you recognize the resilience you already have.
Through deep listening, I intend to help you feel fully seen and understood.
Mine isn't a "one size fits all" approach to therapy. I will tailor our sessions to your specific needs and concerns.
As a therapist, I embrace the following philosophies
I believe that:
You are worthy of love
Black Lives Matter
We can do hard things
You don't have to struggle in silence
We all need the right conditions to bloom
The future is inclusive
My professional background
I obtained my M.A. in Counseling Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies—my emphasis: drama therapy, i.e., using theater and the dramatic arts to help humans grow.
During grad school, I established Bay Area Dating Coach. My studies inspired me to use improv, role-play, and other dramatherapeutic approaches to help shy singles build dating skills and confidence.
While working as a dating coach, I obtained the 3000+ hours of experience required to become a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist by offering action-oriented therapy to singles, socially anxious professionals, and couples.
After earning my MFT license in 2014, I was inspired to help on a broader scale. I established the Relationship Center (previously the Engle Center), a collective of creative, kind, intimacy-obsessed clinicians driven to help others. In addition to helping couples, we serve shy introverts and singles looking for love at our specialty clinics, the Social Anxiety Support Center and Bay Area Dating Coach.
I am incredibly lucky to have a team of enthusiastic, wicked-smart clinicians to join me on my mission of helping shy folk and trauma survivors build joyful, authentic relationships.
Since therapy is not financially accessible to many, I’m committed to creating copious free resources about dating, relationships, and social anxiety. I do so through our monthly newsletter, blog articles, social media posts, and my podcast, I Love You, Too.
I have been interviewed by a number of media outlets including the New York Times, Huffpost, WikiHow, and SFGATE.
My brain is happiest learning new things about mental health, intimacy, how to heal, and the body’s role in feeling whole. As such, I’m regularly consuming books, podcasts, trainings, etc., about all the things, including:
Attachment theory
The intersection of social justice and therapy
Relational neuroscience (I’m lookinatchou, polyvagal theory and interpersonal neurobiology 😍)
Trauma
Dating
The science of happy relationships
Mindfulness, especially self-compassion
Sexuality
How to live well as an empath, introvert, or highly sensitive person
Services I provide
Testimonials
I saw Jessica Engle for weekly sessions from 2016-2018. She's helped me be open with my thoughts/feelings/emotions with both men and women, and its brought down my anxiety over all because I feel like I can be my authentic self in most situations. Thank you Jessica for your lasting impact! ~Andrew
I affectionately refer to Ms. Engle as "Dr. Jessica" because (a) I think it's cute and (b) I feel like she doctored my brain when it comes to social anxiety. I started seeing Dr. Jessica in the beginning of 2016. I had been paralyzed by anxiety and had been living like a hermit for months. I was desperately lonely, but too afraid of people to actually put myself out there and engage with the world. Knowing that something was wrong, I attended one of the Bay Area Dating Coach workshops. That in turn inspired me to sign up for a private session with Dr. Jessica. It was honestly rough at first - my physical symptoms of anxiety made me feel sick to my stomach - but Dr. Jessica always helped me feel comfortable. She seemed to have an intuitive ability to sense when we needed to do breathing exercises or a guided meditation. Because of her professional nature, I felt comfortable: I more or less knew what to expect and knew that I was in control - if I didn't want to do something, I didn't have to. Working with her for almost a year, I gained priceless insights, soothed and processed so many childhood wounds, and learned how to care for myself in a loving, kind way. I'm able to meet new people, go to social events, and date without feeling horrible during or afterwards. I feel like a new person, and many of my coworkers and friends have noticed the difference. I'm so lucky to have found Dr. Jessica. I had been to other therapists in the past, but she helped me like no one else because of her empathic, kind, gentle, and insightful nature. I'm forever grateful for her help and absolutely recommend her to others struggling with social anxiety. ~Jennie
My experience with Jessica Engle was rewarding, provocative, and fun. She is insightful, compassionate, funny, and definitely in the right line of work! I did fulfill my dream of being in a loving, committed relationship while working with her, and the work I did with her certainly helped bring about that result. I would recommend her to anyone interested in gaining insight into dating and relationships. (Or anything else, actually.) She's good. ~Danny
Let’s discover how I can help
I get that entrusting your vulnerabilities to a total stranger can be deeply scary, particularly if you’ve experienced difficult relationships in the past. For that reason, I am touched that you've even read this far. I look forward to meeting you, Courageous Human!
Reach out and let us know that I could be your best fit therapist.
When you reach out, you'll talk to our Care Coordinator. During your 30-minute call, you can share what’s going on for you, ask any questions you may have, and get scheduled for your first session with me.
Fill out the free 30-minute consultation application today to get started. I'm here for you.