About Nancy Shae Baer Burnette
Psychotherapist, Couples Counselor, and Dating Coach (they/SHE)
Therapy and coaching for stressed couples, late-bloomer singles, socially anxious neurodivergents, and queer folx
Hi! I’m Nancy Shae Baer Burnette, but you can call me Shae. I’m an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (#151126), supervised by Jessica Anne Engle, LMFT (#81850). I help couples and individuals get unstuck from repetitive patterns that prevent them from enjoying healthy relationships. My clients are kind, deeply feeling humans who struggle with anxiety and self-doubt; many of them are also neurodivergent, queer, or in a big transition.
My goal is to help you break free from harmful patterns, clarify what you truly want, and build relationships that allow you to be your authentic self.
As a therapist and coach, I love making space for people to feel truly seen and valued. This includes:
Guiding couples as they build an unshakable relationship foundation, even in the face of big stressors. I especially love helping engaged couples prepare for marriage through premarital counseling; mixed neurotype couples better understand one another through neurodiverse couples therapy; and LGBTQ couples stay connected during politically and personally stressful periods through queer couples therapy.
I support chronically single individuals in overcoming their fear of rejection and gaining clarity about what a healthy relationship looks like so they can spot it in the wild. My goal is to help you enjoy dating on the way to meeting your forever person.
Helping socially anxious neurodivergents navigate social situations with more ease and confidence. As an ADHDer and a highly sensitive person (HSP), I’m passionate about providing neurodivergent-affirming care, which means I won’t pressure you to mask.
Holding space for culturally complex people – think third culture kids and BIPOC – to explore identity, heal past wounds, and feel safe in a world that “others” them.
My journey to becoming a therapist and coach
I heard the calling to be a healer on a literal call with two of my college besties, who were both training to be Marriage and Family Therapists. When they shared about places where they felt stuck in their work, I offered some suggestions, and one of them exclaimed, You’re so good at this! You would be such a fantastic therapist.
At that moment, I realized that helping others with their emotional problems – a skill my Inner Judgy Voice said I’d spent way too much time developing – might not have been a waste of time after all. It might even be my purpose.
I've always felt energized when listening deeply to people's problems and helping them feel better. Even though a part of me worried that it was weird (macabre?) that I could listen to heavy things and paradoxically feel lighter, my friends, classmates, and family seemed to appreciate it.
I am now very proud of my ability to witness others’ pain without feeling weighed down; it’s what makes me an excellent therapist and coach.
Or, as I like to think of it, an excellent collaborator for the most exciting project we ever undertake: being human.
As a therapist and coach, I am incredibly honored to witness my clients navigate the complicated task of being human. It makes me feel like a part of the universe in a wonderful way.
I walk my talk by staying curious about my patterns and experimenting with new behaviors. I practice radical acceptance and self-compassion (imperfectly!). And, I embrace the grey by reminding myself that multiple truths exist simultaneously.
We may share some identities: I am gender fluid. I have ADHD. I'm a theatre kid and a writer. And I grew up on a mountain in the redwoods (if you know about mountain life, then you know).
In case you’re still wondering whether I’m human like you, here are some fun facts:
Halloween (Samhain) is my favorite holiday. I'm writing a collection of ghost stories very slowly, adding one every October.
I have 11 suncatchers in my house that make rainbows on my walls; sometimes I just sit and stare at them.
50% of my cooking projects fail miserably, but about 20% come out really tasty. My partner eats all of them, and 80% of the time, he says they’re incredible. I can't tell if he has an awful palette or just loves me that much.
My why: I find meaning in helping others realize they’re lovable
I’ve always felt deeply fulfilled when supporting others as they feel and think deeply.
I find meaning in helping other humans hold difficult or inconvenient truths, whether it’s a heavy sadness or a long-held insecurity. In a world that seeks to shame anyone outside the box labelled “normal,” I am happiest creating spaces where others can see that they are deeply lovable, quirks and all.
As a therapist, I get to satisfy my neurodivergent love of skipping past small talk into big, meaningful conversations. I don’t care about the weather; I want to know about your inner world!
In every deep conversation, I am stunned by my clients’ beauty. It is an immense honor to be invited into their worlds, where, contrary to their fears, I find treasures.
My job is to help my clients bring their most judged parts into the light long enough to see that they are, in fact, exquisite.
My unique gifts: non-judgment, flexibility, clarity
My clients tell me that my flexible, non-judgmental approach helps them feel safe. Because I accept and value them, they find it easier to reflect on their patterns with compassion, leading to more growth and self-awareness.
I’m comfortable with ambiguity and nuance. You could say that I thrive in the gray, in-between, and seemingly contradictory areas. I’m a good person to have in your corner when it seems like there are no easy answers.
When working with couples, my ability to hold two perspectives at once helps my clients shift from an I’m right, you’re wrong mindset back into loving empathy.
I’m very comfortable expressing and remaining true to myself. My socially anxious clients say that they value the ways that I model calm authenticity.
I work very hard to communicate my insights so that they can be metabolized and translated into beneficial change.
I am committed to collaborating with you
Sessions will provide you with a safe space to build self-awareness, confidence, and healthy relating skills.
Feeling accepted will allow you to break harmful patterns, rebuild trust, and enjoy connecting with others again.
It's important to me to support all of you, no matter what's happening. I’ll tailor our work to meet your specific needs and concerns – mine isn't a one-size-fits-all approach to therapy.
As a therapist, I embrace the following philosophies
I believe that:
Feminism is for everyone
It's not selfish to take care of yourself
Joy shared is doubled, sorrow shared is halved
Not all disabilities are visible
The future is inclusive
The truth is what we make of it
My professional background
As an undergraduate at CSU Chico, I studied Theater Arts. Acting, playwrighting, and directing taught me A LOT about the connections between how human beings feel, think, and behave.
My training as a Theater Arts major focused primarily on Constantin Stanislavski’s approaches, which has directly influenced my interest in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). In Stanislavski’s Method of Physical Actions, the actor works backwards empathically through the character’s objectives and tactics to discover their physical sensations. As a CBT therapist, I help clients understand their patterns of thought, emotion, sensation, and behavior so they can cultivate main character energy; they write their life script instead of reacting helplessly to the dramatic machinations of some invisible author.
After my undergraduate studies, I began my mental health career by volunteering for Crisis Support Services of Alameda County. Speaking to individuals in crisis regularly taught me that human connection is central to mental health—speaking with just one person who cares can save a life. After that, it was a no-brainer for me to specialize in relationships.
I then attended the Master’s program in Counseling Psychology at the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA, and completed my practicum at Albany High School.
At Albany High, I worked with students of all kinds including the Type A’s who were stressing themselves sick, the queer kids who were exploring their sexuality and gender identities, and the autistics and ADHDers who were navigating a neurotypical system. I learned that the most effective therapy strikes a balance between empathy and structure. My students got the most out of our work when I helped them translate what they were learning about themselves into new ways of being.
Since graduating from The Wright Institute in 2024, I have become a California-registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and joined the team at the Relationship Center.
Services I provide
Gottman couples therapy
Dating help
Let’s discover how I can help
If you’ve ever felt like you’re “too much” or “not enough,” I want you to know that you deserve relationships where you feel safe, seen, and cherished—precisely as you are.
I would be honored to be one of the people who helps you feel understood.
Reach out and let us know that I could be your best fit therapist.
In your free 30-minute consultation, you'll discuss your struggles and goals with our Care Coordinator. Once they confirm that I’m the best clinician for you, they’ll answer any questions you have and schedule your initial session with me.
To get started, apply for a free 30-minute consultation today. I look forward to meeting you!