Dear Listener, has becoming a parent left you wondering what happened to your relationship? Are you and your partner fighting more, connecting less, and struggling to find your footing as a couple? Or maybe you're preparing for a baby and want to know what to look out for?
We're closing out this season with something a little different — an intimate conversation with just the two of us, no guest, no script, no prep, talking honestly about how to be a couple after becoming parents.
We went into parenthood relatively confident we could stay connected through it. After all, relationships are literally our special interest. But all our pre-baby prep — couples therapy, books about marriage after kids, and long planning sessions — none of it gave us the information we could only get once baby arrived. So we're sharing what we learned from the trenches, mistakes included, so you don't have to repeat them.
We talk about what shifted for us: what sleep deprivation and time scarcity does to a couple's capacity for repair, what happened when our intentions about gender roles met the reality of exhaustion, and the surprising thing that helped when we stopped being quite so careful with each other. We also get into postpartum rage — what it's like to feel it, and what it takes to stay present for it.
And we walk through the practice we came up with for co-regulating in five minutes or less, when a longer conversation isn't in the cards. It's a little silly and a lot of improv, and it's made a real difference — as has protecting time for date nights and our own therapy.
If you're working on reconnecting with your partner after baby, or trying to keep your marriage strong through the early years with kids, we hope something in our experience is useful to you.
One more thing, Dear Listener: this is our last episode for a few months. We'll be back in January, and we’ll miss you terribly in the meantime.
Resources and links
Hack Your Nervous System Card Deck
Polyvagal Theory Overview (video)
Have a question or comment? Email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We love hearing from you!
If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation.
To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter.
If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you.
Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!